You, Husband

To: My Mister
From: Forever Yours
Note: Forgive My Rambles on You

Do you remember the first time you saw me? An actress of a receptionist, I wondered if you’d see anything worthy in me, but I was so jaded, I decided later I didn’t care. Months later, your eyes were still on me, wanting to see my heart. Even when I didn’t recognize you as marriage material, you didn’t miss it. You came after me. You tell me I’m worthy, and I finally believe it. Mister, you are good at seeing people. I’m so grateful for that.

Do you recall our first huge fight? We were both so full up with emotional energy I wondered if we would ever come down from orbit. You ended up in the living room, I ended up in the master closet. But not for long. Why? Because you came after me. Carefully, gently. Willing to be wrong. Willing to be broken with me. Willing to forgive. Willing to work through it. Babe, even when you are right, and I’m wrong and being stubborn about it, you never get haughty or puffed—you reach out with love and grace. Who taught you that? I will always be grateful for how you come after me emotionally.

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My Husband takes pictures of statues of historical figures at the Bible Museum

Do you know the way you do things—simple things, funny things, serious things—it blesses me, all your quirks. How you are a kid with me: my playmate. How you laugh: nerd laugh! How you eat: my man with steak. How you run your fingers through your hair when your mind is a million miles away figuring out the latest puzzle. The way you hold your guitar. How you throw a sheet across the bed to make it: tucking corners in with a vengeance. How you pump the gas, always concerned with if I’m comfortable while you are attending to it. How you can’t stop talking to me when you are excited about something: I’m your closest confidant. How you pet my arm when I’m talking about something and you need to break in and interrupt, but you don’t want to hurt my feelings. Oh, the way you vacuum, load the dishes, throw the trash, sweep a mess! You might as well melt me like butter on a stove.

A thousand special things create you, the real you that I see every day.

I appreciate them all, but I can never seem to say the right thing to convey it. Imagine that. A writer that struggles to find the right words for the one she loves the most.

Maybe that’s the truth of the mess, the heart of the matter?

You are so perfectly suited to being my husband, my best friend, my playmate, that I’m lost in it all.

You’re a dream to me, Mister.

And I value you far beyond all these dreams.

The Creator gave me you, and I freaking love you.

Happy Birthday. 

Here’s to more years for you and I to explore, laugh, love, cry, grow, see, do, and create together.

endkevianaelliot

 

 

Stove-Top Pumpkin Spice Latte Recipe

I posted a pic awhile back on my Insta about homemade pumpkin spice latte, and a dear friend asked for the recipe. Figured a post with all the info would be best for sharing and sharing and sharing… Lol!

Ingredients:

4 c Milk
2 c brewed Sprouts Pumpkin Spice Black Tea; strongly brewed (This tea contains: black tea, rooibos, cinnamon, ginger root, lemon peels, cloves, nutmeg…… If I don’t have the tea on hand, I just put in the above without the rooibos tea, because I much prefer black tea by itself)
4 tbsp Canned Pumpkin (add way more for a heartier pumpkin flavor)
3 tbsp White Sugar (I use straight dark brown sugar)
1 tbsp Brown Sugar (Again, straight dark brown sugar)
2 tsp Vanilla
1 Cinnamon Stick (Powdered cinnamon is fine if you don’t have sticks on hand)
6 Cloves
6 Peppercorns (I smash my peppercorns or add more for more of a kick)

Instructions:

After brewing tea, add tea and milk to large pot.
Begin to warm up to medium heat s-l-o-w-l-y.
Add pumpkin (heat pumpkin in microwave some to make it easier to stir), sugars, and spices to the large pot and stir in using a whisk.
Cover and heat, stirring often often OFTEN until combined and really hot.
Remove any large spices, stir one more time and serve.

This won’t stay good over 6-8 hrs, so drink up!
(And watch for the sludge at the bottom of the cup. That’s the only warning I’ll give you. Lol.)

Yummy pictures can tag me on Instagram or Facebook.
Hope you enjoy!

endkevianaelliot

 

Wanter Poem

My wanter is busted, or maybe it’s fine

But it pushes my feelers to so far behind

My wanter sees problems it desires to fix

Often my soul doesn’t want into that mix

The absurd and the costly, my wanter demands

I cringe at its focus, I drown in these lands

My wanter is busted, surely needs saving

Pushed along by it, my heart is done raving

God, please change my wanter to line up with You

Because it’s stuck with me, and You’re stuck with me, too

Just Don’t

Raw. Real. Reblogged. -KE

Krysten.Ivey

They say

…It is okay

Just Don’t

…that love is here

Just Don’t

…It wasn’t that bad

Just Don’t

…It is easy

Just Don’t

…someone else made it through

Just Don’t

…just move on

Just Don’t

…it is in your past

Just Don’t!!!

Do you even see me???

Hiding,

Hurting,

Ashamed,

Angry,

Dirty,

Damaged,

Broken,

Branded,

Shattered….

Take off the mask

Is it okay to scream?

Is it okay to cry?

Is it safe to trust?

Is it safe to surrender?

Is it okay to just be me?

….to take off the mask?

Dear God, I need your help.

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Skin and the HSP

Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) means I explain sensations to others. A lot. Since I experience sound, taste, touch, smell, and sight-related phenomena at a louder setting than most, everyone who knows me always wants to know just a little more.

Sometimes I try to explain what happens when my skin is maxed out on its ability to feel, but I seem to fall short on it. Many other HSPs agree with me when I use terminology of “static” and “overloaded,” but describing the feeling up-close is… well… hard.

So that’s what I’m trying to do here.

What’s it like to have HSP skin?

Let’s say I start out with skin at “normal 0″—a ground-zero of sorts, where nothing from the day before has upset my nervous system in any way, it was a good night’s sleep, and my skin is well rested and quiet.

More than likely, the process of touching the cold floor, the cold water or hot water to clean up, or cold toilet seat will be the first items of the day to take my resting brain to 90%. (I use percentages to describe to my Husband what amount of my brain is paying attention to the sensation, whatever it may be.) Of course, once I move on to clothing, the 90% will drop down to 10-20%.

Clothing decisions in the morning are always of importance. HSPs fist-bump.

Some days, I really need clothing that will not irritate my skin, i.e. make itself known via “loud” textures in an ever-growing manner. all. day. long. Other days, I’m brave and don’t care. Bring on the areas that are going raw from the stitching. If I’m in rough shape, I’m not so brave, and just about glare at those clothes and pass them over. (God bless my over-soft fluffy hoodies and Lu-La-Rue Leggings of velvety delicate goodness. You rescue my skin organ often!)

From dressing, the day will progress with various surfaces, textures, and people touching my skin. Either my choice or not. And each time, two things will happen:

  1. The surface/ texture/ person will ping in my brain to some percentage and I’ll be aware of it, especially the surfaces and textures higher than 60%, and
  2. Every single surface/ texture/ person will take a little (or a lot) from my “HSP Endurance Tank”

As the day winds down, if my HSP Endurance Tank is above, say, a quarter full, I see the day as a win. It’s usually when my tank is in the last fourth of a tank (or empty) that bad things happen.

Meh. Remind me to post about the HSP Endurance Tank sometime. Thanks.

Descriptions of Sensations

Every HSP is different. So this might not be accurate for other HSPs. Even so, here’s a list of some of the sensations my skin and I have gone through. Usually these sensations occur strongest around the back of my arms and torso. When it’s a really rough time, it will be all over, down to my toes. There you go.

Listed from least obnoxious to most.

  • weightiness
  • tiny debris feeling
  • air hurts “buzz”
  • water/ wet
  • fake burning
  • tingles
  • static
  • cold
  • tickles
  • pins and needles
  • one, solitary hair moving to tickle
  • rash sensation

 

Beyond this, I believe I’ve given you all I know about my skin.

Maybe.

I’ll let you know. 😉

endkevianaelliot